Jan Thomason: I Told Frank I Had Finally Figured It Out...

The Tank and I were laying in bed the other night talking

about this and that.

One of the things I shared with him was that I had

 finally figured out Oprah's question that hadn't been

  weighing on my mind though I know

 she'd be so proud to know that I had finally figured it out.

I'm a stress eater.

But, I get ahead of myself...

Y'all know that mom moved to the ranch in the middle

of January this year for me to take care of her.

She moved here from a memory center

in Portage, Michigan, where she was residing because

she had onset vascular dementia.

So, we make it to the ranch a couple of weeks before

this............

drove up.

Oh, heavens, that was one big moving van. 

Before I became concerned as to how much room mom's

things were taking up inside the van, I derived a great

sense of satisfaction knowing that whomever was

driving by the ranch as this monster drove up the lane,

would be wondering why we were moving, where we

were moving, had we run out of money? goats?

Center Point is like so many other small towns in that respect.

The sight of this van driving up the lane would give

the old men that drink coffee at the local mini mart

great fodder. Still makes me smile when I think about it.

Here are some shots of mom's things.

Not all of them be any stretch, but, enough that you can

get an idea of what those men pulled out of that moving van.

Oh, the boxes.

The entire mess was supposed to fit into mom's

room - a really decent sized bedroom with a 

sitting area and attached bath. Lots of storage.

But, please! A whole house into a suite?

And, of course, she wanted to start going through

the boxes one...at...a...time, handling, touching,

caressing every...single...item...in...each...box.

This picture is of mom shortly after she arrived.

I remember when I looked at this photo that it struck

me as so odd -- my mom was "old", you know, 

a senior. I had never seen it in her before and 

maybe that's because she was never "sick" before, 

I don't know. But, though she looks different to me here, 

she's still beautiful and 85 this summer.

Mom has to use a walker to get around.

She is a bit frail and her sense of balance is

somewhat off. This is the safest way for her

to get around -- even when re-introducing herself

to the goats. 

So, mom has dementia, she's moved everything

she's ever owned to the ranch and

on top of that, after she had been here for a few 

weeks, she fell and sustained three hairline fractures

in these two bones that attach to the bottom of your

hips. Yeah.

Pain, such pain sitting, standing, sitting.

Nothing that can be done (in the way of surgery) 

and thank goodness she is almost healed and the

pain is lessening weekly because she has really been hurting.

However, even in the middle of hurting she manages to

dig out her sense of humor...the picture above is mom in

a sweat suit, hood up, topped by her heavy robe 

(and an asked for pathetic look) because she 

was/is/is always cold. Someone needs to tell her she's 

in south Texas now, not Michigan.

This picture was taken this Easter, just a couple of weeks ago.

We had just been to church to witness Blake, Clay and

their daddy's baptism (it was so cool).

Blake and Clay wanted a picture taken with Grammy once

we got home. Oh, and Sophie, too.

These are the moments I like to remember.

The ones I must remember to get through the

other moments that fill my days.

I remember growing up, into my adult years, always

fearful that one of my parents would get cancer and die.

The word "cancer" had always scared me and I could

picture having to live through one of my parents getting

sick with "the C word".

Never, however, did I or have I thought that one of my parents 

would develop dementia.

It's a condition that does no apparent 'physical' harm to the person

suffering from it because they don't know that there's

anything wrong. It's the children and all of those who love

my mom that have been the greatest affected.

She has moments with me where she will question "why"

in reference to her confusion and memory loss,

but, except for those moments, 

it's those of us that love her that are feeling

the most pain. And, I'm sure there are many of you

that can relate to that.

And to those of you that are the care givers or have been

the care giver, I know what you're feeling.

I know your frustration, your feelings of inadequacy,

your fear, your exhaustion, the pounds you've added

or the pounds you've lost, those moments of delight that

you share with your parent. I know all of it

and I pray for you as I hope you are praying for me

and all of the caregivers.

AN ALZHEIMER'S POEM

Do not ask me to remember

Don't try to make me understand

Let me rest and know you're with me

Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.

I'm confused beyond your concept

I am sad and sick and lost

All I know is that I need you

To be with me at all cost.

Do not lose your patience with me

Do not scold or curse or cry

I can't help the way I'm acting

Can't be different though I try.

Just remember that I need you

That the best of me is gone

Please don't fail to stand beside me

Love me until my life is done.

Amen.

___________________________________

You can learn more about Jan Thomason on her blog, The Polkadot Barn

Jan Thomason: You Never Know When God Is Going To Pull The Rug Out From Under You...

...but, when He does, you just go with it using prayer, His strength and deep breaths (you, not God). 

...and it happened to me a couple of weeks ago. 

I'm still reeling but I'm sure it will all settle down soon. 

Ah, heck, who am I kidding? 

It won't settle down until my mother passes or gets to the point that she needs to return to a memory care facility. 

But, it's okay. She's my mom. 

Long story short, my mom has early stage dementia. 

I have four amazing brothers and sisters who have each taken a part of her care together up until the time that I arrived about 2 weeks ago. My mom lived in Michigan. Kalamazoo, specifically. She was diagnosed in this psychiatric hospital for geriatrics (love that my mom was in a psych hospital. Special). 

She was then moved to a memory care facility which was absolutely beautiful. Had her own suite - it was huge - and an amazing staff. 

Don't get the wrong idea - all of that beauty and good care comes at a price. 

You'd think if they were going to charge what they do, they'd lose the funeral drapes. 

It was decided that she didn't need that much attention and after she had told three of my siblings that she wanted to live on the ranch with Jan and the puppies (we have four rescue dogs), I got the phone call. 

What am I supposed to say?? 

I said "yes", of course. 

According to her O.T., she functions at the age of a 3 year old and needs constant supervision. 

gre-a-a-a-a-a-a-t-t-t-t. 

So, I drove up, spent two weeks, helped pack up everything she owns that she wanted to move to Texas - enough to fill a moving van partway - loaded her, her dog and her walker, etc. into the car and took off for Texas. 

We're home. She's settling in. 

Keeps telling me she's taking a bus to Kalamazoo for Christmas. 

My mother on a bus? 

Horrors. 

Glad she doesn't know what she's saying. She'd freak. 

Here's a poem that I want you to read, especially if you are taking care of an early onset dementia patient. 

It's an amazing read: 

AN ALZHEIMER'S POEM 

Do not ask me to remember 

Don't try to make me understand 

Let me rest and know you're with me 

Kiss my cheek and hold my hand. 

I'm confused beyond your concept 

I am sad and sick and lost 

All I know is that I need you 

To be with me at all cost. 

Do not lose your patience with me 

Do not scold or curse or cry 

I can't help the way I'm acting 

Can't be different though I try. 

Just remember that I need you 

That the best of me is gone 

Please don't fail to stand beside me 

Love me until my life is done. 

Amen.

_____________________________________________

You can learn more about Jan on her blog, The Polkadot Barn

Jan Thomason: Do You Believe in Miracles? You Should!

I've driven up to Michigan from Texas.

For one very important reason.

I've come to snag my mom and take her back

to Texas to live with us on the ranch.

Every year she spends three months with us

but this year she's staying forever.

In October she was diagnosed with FULL BLOWN vascular dementia.

Long story short, she was actually sleep deprived.

Both have the same symptoms so it was an easy diagnosis to "mess up".

She is back to her old self albeit with some confusion.

But, she's done a 360 from October to now and I give God all of the credit.

He really outdid Himself on this "case".

Would you like all of the details and in-depth writing about how it 

affected me? Read the last three posts on my blog - too much information

for this post, but I would love it if you wanted to know the whole story.

www.polkadotbarn.blogspot.com.

Either way, God is great and God is good...........all of the time and

I love Him so, so much.

Jan Thomason: It Was Sad

I have a cherry red convertible with a tan canvas top that I LOVE.

That may sound materialistic to you, but in all seriousness, driving my little convertible down a back road with the top down made all of my medical problems just disappear.

I was free from everything except the wind blowing through my hair.

(Oh, wait. I don't have any hair Just enough strands to make it look like I have a mullet.  That's why I never go anywhere with my baseball cap or wig.)

Back to the story.

Driving my convertible with the top down, I was free from everything except the wind washing over me. The blue sky above dotted with big fluffy clouds and the feeling that it was just God and me traveling down those back roads.

Driving my convertible filled me with so much joy.

And, then I had to sell it.

I take a lot of road trips, which I love, and my husband got to the point that he feared if I had an accident that I'd be killed and he'd be without anyone to make him laugh.

So, being the obedient wife, I let him get me a safer car and promised him that I'd sell my convertible.

That was last spring.

He bought me a TONKA YELLOW Nissan Xterra.

Safer, yes.

Cuter, oh, please, Tonka yellow???

Yesterday I decided that I was ready to let go of my convertible.  So, Frank follows me to the Chrysler dealership in the Tonka to sell to sell my baby - I was not going through any long dragged out chore of selling my it. This was going to be a one day deal.  I'd take what they offered.

Since this is already a long story, I want to shorten it here and cut to the chase.....

Gone is the convertible (yes, I cried a wee bit) and gone is the Tonka.

What??

I am now driving a 2009 black Dodge Charger WITH a spoiler.

I feel like a 23 year old boy.

But, it's okay. 

God took care of me.

He KNEW how much my convertible meant to me and he made it all better by showing me, across a crowded parking lot, my new car that I am growing to love.

I do love it, but I know I'll love it more when I'm driving down the back roads with God right there taking care of me which is what Frank wanted from the beginning.

God bless Frank.

God bless my new car and God bless the sweet thing that buys my convertible, and may I never see it driving down a back road.

_____________________________________________

You can learn more about Jan on her blog, The Polkadot Barn

Jan Thomason: Girlfriends

I have so much to be grateful for that it's hard to talk about just one.

But, since it's happening right now, let me tell you about one of my greatest supporters, cheerleader, confidant, college friend and my best friend forever.

I don't have to name her - she would know right off who she is if she was to read this post.

My point, my blessing in her, IS the constant support she provides me in so many ways - like I said, confidant.......etc.

It's such a blessing to have someone that I can trust with anything.

Oh, yeah, I have a most wonderful husband, but you know that there's just something about a girlfriend.

It's such a blessing having that one person that knows me, warts and all (that never made sense to me until I got older!) and loves me still.

I know that there's nothing I can tell her that would make her turn away from me.

She is one of my reasons for not giving up when medical times are hard because she's always there for me.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the message.

Friends since college, sorority sisters, best friends still - that's 40 years of friendship which is hard to get my brain around since I'm still 24.

This weekend we met in Austin, Texas, for some shopping and rest and relaxation for Rhonda. 

She's under a lot of stress right now.

Meeting her this weekend was my privilege.

Being a blessing to her is the ultimate privilege. 

Girlfriends are one of God's biggest blessings!

Jan

Jan's BFF: Rhonda