Molly Alexander: Monday Top 10

Family

Friends

Sunshine

Reconciliation

Love

Freedom

Coffee

Provision

Art

Joy

Molly Alexander: Grateful For...Being A Mom

The hardest job I've ever had is being a mom.

The hardest AND the most rewarding.

 Zach turned 18 yesterday.

A man by the world's standards, but still a child by mine.

Yet it is hard to reconcile the child with the man.

He used to be so dependent, needing me for nearly everything.  Then we taught him how to problem solve; how to be independent; how to take care of himself.

And now he does.

And now I'm not always required.

Not always necessary.

But he will always be my son.

And I will always be his mom.

And we will both always be needed.

And loved.

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You can learn more about Molly of her blog, Beautifully Broken Me

Molly Alexander: Teapots

Last week, Diane Cook wrote about her wonderful grandmothers, Rosa and Josie, and it really got me thinking about my own grandmother and a post I wrote about her a few years ago, so I thought I'd share it with you:

I love teapots. All sorts of them. Old, new, fat, skinny, tall, short - it doesn't matter. I love the graceful lines of their spouts and the feelings they invoke inside me. Growing up, I used to drink tea with my Grandma. Actually, you couldn't really call it tea - mostly milk and sugar with a little Earl Grey mixed in. We would get our tea ready and Grandma would let me sit and drink it in her living room watching TV, and I would feel very grown up and special.

Grandma died in January 2008, after nearly 10 years of progressive dementia at the age of 96. It was a strange emotional experience for me. I haven't lived in my hometown since I left for college nearly 26 years ago, and didn't get to see her very often. Yes, I got home to see my family at least once a year, but I didn't see Grandma on a regular basis like they did, and when I did get to see her, most of the time, she didn't recognize me. I guess in my mind, the woman I knew had passed on years ago, and her actual death didn't seem as much as a loss to me as it might have otherwise.

In May 2008, as I was getting ready for a show, I finally grouted a teapot I'd glued the pieces to months before. I love how it turned out. I used old English china, along with a lot of other pieces and parts, and it turned out great. The black grout really showed off the bright colors of the beads and glass in the piece, and highlighted the broken china patterns beautifully.

Usually I get a chance to live with my pieces for a while before I sell them, but this time I needed to make sure I had enough mosaics to take with me, so I brought the teapot along. In reality, most of my sales from this type of show are for commissioned pieces, and I usually don't sell a whole lot of my higher-priced pre-made pieces, so I was not expecting it to sell anyway.

Wouldn't you know it - the teapot sold right away. As I was packing it up to give to my client, I was struck by a sadness that came out of nowhere. I had no idea what had caused it, and that bothered me a little. Later in the day, I called my mom just to check in. As I was telling her about the show, it hit me - not only did I not get to spend time with this piece before selling it, but I realized that, when I created it, it had been a love letter to Grandma. 

Finally I felt it - the loss of a wonderful, amazing woman who had given me a safe and loving place to just be who I was, without apology or affectation, for my entire childhood. 

My heart filled with love and loss, and I finally grieved.

I miss Grandma, and I have finally let myself feel that loss. I think I'll do another teapot - just for me this time - and have a cup of Earl Grey with milk and sugar now and again to remind me of her and how grateful I am for the love she gave to me.

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You an learn more about Molly on her blog, Beautifully Broken Me

Molly Alexander: Advanced Citizenship

One of my favorite movies is "The American President" with Michael Douglas and Annette Benning.  I love the romance of it.  I can't help it.  

One of my very favorite parts in this movie, however, comes when Michael Douglas' character, President Andrew Shepherd, gives a speech in a press conference that absolutely nails down the very essence of living in this great nation of ours:

"America isn’t easy.  America is advanced citizenship – you’ve gotta want it bad.  Cause it’s going to put up a fight.  It’s going to say, 'You want free speech?  Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage, advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.  You want to claim this land is the land of the free?  Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag.  The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest.'

Now show me that.  Defend that.  Celebrate that in your classrooms.  Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free."

Now, as an American citizen, I tend to lean to the conservative side in most issues and President Andrew Shepherd is definitely a liberal.  My point is:  that's awesome!  What a privilege it is to live where I can express my political, personal, religious and any other kind of view, and it is not only permitted, but is my right as a citizen!

I'm not out to make a political hoopla with this post.  It is really easy to get fed up with and forget to respect this group of people or that group of people, and I just wanted to issue this gentle reminder:  we live in the greatest country on this earth, and I have to say that I am unbelievably grateful for that.  

I'm grateful and proud to be called an American.

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You can learn more about Molly on her blog, Beautifully Broken Me

Molly Alexander: Perspective

For most of my life I have lived with depression, stemming from both genetics and from experiences from my childhood.  In the past, this depression has completely taken me over, paralyzing me and keeping me from fully participating in life.  Along with the depression comes physical pain as well: migraines, body aches, general blah feelings.  The medication I am on works well as far as the chemical imbalance goes, and I spent years in therapy, giving me the tools to work through the emotional stuff in healthy rather than self-destructive ways.

There are, however, still times when, despite the medication, my depression breaks through and causes a downward spiral.  These times are fairly cyclical - usually Spring and Fall.  I am better at recognizing the signs now, but they still take their toll on my and my family's quality of life.  I don't get angry or sad really.  Mostly I get into an apathetic funk that sticks around for a while and then disappears as quickly as it came.  There are, however, a couple of weeks in there - sometimes more - when I honestly don't do anything worthwhile.  

I hate the apathy.  I tend to push away everyone and anyone who is important to me and I retreat into myself, believing that no one else could or would ever understand how I'm feeling or why I'm acting this way.  Quite frankly, I don't always understand it myself.

It is in these dark moments that a still, small voice inside speaks up, if I am willing to listen.  A voice that sounds a bit like this:

So...are you breathing today?  That's great - you're still with us.

 

Your legs - they still work, right?  Yep - looks to me like you can still get up and get going.

 

Are you blinking your eyes?  That means you can still open them and see beyond yourself to the world around you.

 

Your arms are moving too - you can still create with them.

 

Your mind is still there - use it to make sense of what is going on around you.

 

Your heart?  Great - still pumping.

 

Pull your head out of the apathy and look around you.  

There is so much planned for your life - the only one you've got, by the way - and you are wasting precious minutes of it.  Get up, get out, and use it to help others who don't have everything you do.  There is more to your life than just you.

This voice - this change in perspective - is what I need, every time.  My world is not just about me.  There is a plan and a purpose behind it.  A plan and a purpose not just to make my life better, but the lives of others as well.  Others who don't have their eyes, their arms, their legs, their mind.

It may take a while, but eventually the restraints my depression break and I get a glimpse of the path I should be on.

The path where my life isn't the sole focus.

Where my issues, while important, aren't so huge as to obscure the possibilities of what this life has to offer, if I just look for them.

And I am able to see the light - the hope - of it all.  

And this still, small voice?  I am so, so grateful for it, and for what I can do because of it.

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You can learn more about Molly on her blog, Beautifully Broken Me

Molly Alexander: Privileged

For the past couple of years I have had the pleasure of being a Youth Mentor for a group of high school girls in my community.  These girls are remarkable, and I have had so much fun getting to know them.  

Out of curiosity, I asked these three young women what they were grateful for in their own lives.  My expectations didn't go too far beyond what you would expect teenage girls to be grateful for:  

for boyfriends and hang out time

for fun clothes and cell phones

for vacations and no homework

But boy was I wrong...and boy did I need to raise my expectations.  Sure their answers included their friends, but they expressed gratitude for so much more than that:

for faith and health

for family and talents

for God and life

for being forgiven

for the ability to make their own decisions when it comes to their beliefs

for love and hope

for dreams and goals

for curiosity and creativity

So much insight for such short life experience, don't you think?

I learn so much every week from these beautiful women, and I am unbelievably grateful for the privilege of being a part of their lives.

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You can learn more about Molly on her blog, Beautifully Broken Me